Pump It Up: My Penis Pump Experience

Believe it or not, but I don’t have a giant cock. I know, you’re surprised…perhaps shocked…but like most men, mine is averaged size. Farrah Abraham won’t be knocking on my door looking for my James Deen sized trouser snake, but it gets the job done.

Still…I thought I’d check out penis pumps just to see what might happen. I mean, hell, what could go wrong? My first step was research, I’m sure not all penis pumps are created equal. Along with all the articles saying how wonderful pumping my Jimmy up would be, there was the occasional smattering of ways your dick can get hurt stories too. These scared me.

I love my Jimmy. I’m quite attached and the thought of hurting it terrifies me. Nothing can make an erection fall faster than the possibility of grievous harm. Alas, I was still undeterred and ordered my pump and waited anxiously for it to arrive.

Apparently, the bulk of the major injuries are caused by overanxious beginners who pump too fast or too long. So, when it arrived, I took it slow and steady. It looked like something out of a science fiction movie or from a doctor’s. There where tubes and gauges and thought the odds of getting hard it were slim to none.

I stuck mister happy in the hole and began to SLOWLY pump. It was an incredibly strange sensation. As the air left the tube, my dick began to inch forward and forward and forward. I began to feel it being pulled to the sides as well. Soon, I had the monster cock I had always dreamed of.

Looking down at the super-sized Mr. Happy, I was ready to action. I disengaged the device and gave it a quick few strokes just to make sure I wasn’t dreaming. The events are not permanent and eventually my foot-long once again became bun length, but it was an eye opening experience. I think I’ll do it again…and again…and again…