What People Who Go To Sex Parties Know That Others Don't

Whenever I engage with the play-party community, I'm struck by the applicability of its codes of conduct to all forms of sexual expression — starting with the fact that it has stated codes of conduct.

Photo credit: Men's Health

Photo credit: Men's Health

Subscribers to monogamy (no disdain implied, monogamy is a perfectly lovely structure if you've chosen it for yourself) can skate by on adherence to hookup expectations that have been so heavily prescribed, they're implicit. In the heterosexual script, boy meets girl, boy and girl flirt, they end up alone, boy initiates sexual activity, and sexual activity progresses from stage to stage so predictably that discussion can seem unnecessary. 

Which is a problem — because if communication isn't happening and the hookup script isn't unfolding into exactly what both parties want and enjoy, someone will end up feeling dissatisfied, disrespected, or even violated. The sex-party community's answer: Talk about it, which is what 29 people, including me and my partner, assembled to do in Brooklyn on Wednesday night at a sex-party etiquette workshop led by relationships coach Effy Blue

"Let's not forget that [a sex party] is a party, as well as a place where we have sex," she reminded the crowd, which included both sex-party virgins and veterans. "There are things that you can do at sex parties that are not sexual" — namely drink, dance, eat, talk: anything you'd do at any normal party. 

But, for those activities that are sexual, Blue laid out the ground rules — every one of which could be applied to non-sex-party scenarios.

Read the full Refinery29 article here: http://goo.gl/GCO3Tm