BDSM For Beginners: Meeting People

One of the questions I get asked a lot is, “How do I meet other kinky people?” And the answer is that it’s really not all that hard. There are several websites dedicated to fetish and BDSM dating, collarspace.com is probably the one I hear about the most. Think of it as a kinky Plenty Of Fish. 

FetishClub

As with any dating style site, there are the usual fake profiles to sort through and fair share of people just looking to get laid, but it is possible to meet real people and go on real dates. Personally, I prefer FetLife.com It’s more a social media style site (FaceBook/MySpace). It’s a great resource for information as well as finding local groups. And that’s really the key to meeting people; actually getting out there mingling with the masochistic masses at demos, munches, and parties held by the local community groups. 

The next logical questions are “What are those things?” and “What really happens?"

Just about every decent sized town has a kinky community. A place where people who enjoy BDSM can come together and make friends, share knowledge, and occasionally beat each other with whatever happens to be at hand. Many towns have several different groups that cater to various interests. These groups offer education, support, and serve as a safe place to just meet up with like minded individuals.

I always suggest people start with Munches. A Munch is basically a group of kinky people meeting in a public setting, doing very non-kinky things. Normally they are held at restaurants or coffee shops, everyone is in normal street attire, and kinky topics are typically off the table. It’s a great way to meet other with similar interests, without feeling any real pressure to jump right in or being publicly known as kinky (privacy is a concern for some people, and these groups understand and respect that).

Demos (demonstrations) are simply classes that introduce you to the basics of different toys and play-styles. They range from “This is a paddle” to “How to set someone on fire”. Groups will bring in experts on various topics and they will demonstrate and discuss those topics. They can be classroom style or more interactive. Often there is a social period before the event and the instructor generally leaves time to give personal instruction to anyone who has questions after. This is another way to get into your community without feeling any pressure to perform.

Lastly we come to parties. Parties are for those who enjoy public play, or for those who just want to watch. Much of the time you have to attend a few munches or demos, or already know someone who is in the group, prior to being allowed to attend. Here is where the whips and chains come out. Your first foray into this setting can be a little surreal. Imagine your standard adult party, with people standing around, munching on snacks and chatting about life, while in the background there are thuds, slaps, and screams. And every now and again a naked person wonders by. 

Your local community groups can be a wonderful place to make new friends and even find new partners. As with any social group, there will be drama and cliques. Kinky people are people too, after all. For those of you who fear for being outed as kinky to friends, family, or co-workers; just remember, all those people there have just as much to lose as you do. There are very strict rules about sharing information about who attends functions, photos, and any other means of someone accidentally finding out you were bare-assed in front of 35 other friends Friday night.

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