BDSM For Beginners: Titles

Upon entering the kinky world you are going to be asked, “What are you?” fairly often. As humans we like labels, as kinky people we have a plethora of them to choose from. Today I’m going to go over some of the basic ones and give you a general idea of what they mean.

MistressAndPet

Top: A Top is someone who does kinky things to someone else. If you like to spank people, you are probably a Top.

Bottom: Bottoms, on the other hand, like to have kinky things done to them. So, if you like getting spanked, you are more than likely a bottom.

Switch: A Switch is someone who likes to Top and Bottom. 

Easy huh? Well, here’s where it starts to get confusing for some people… 

You’ve probably heard the terms Dom (me) / Sub, Master (or Mistress) / Slave and Daddy / Little. You’ve also probably made a few assumptions based on what you’ve heard from TV, books, and movies. A majority of the new people I‘ve met assume you have to identify as a Dominant or Submissive of some type if you’re kinky. The truth is, most people aren’t Dominant or Submissive. What defines these relationships (dynamics) is some sort of power exchange. To put it more simply, one person takes control over aspects of the other person’s life. How much power is given and the details relating to it are completely up to the individuals, but a Top isn’t necessarily a Dominant and a Bottom isn’t always a Submissive. You can be one without being the other.

Dom (me) / Master / Mistress /Daddy: At their core these are the same thing. These are the people who take control. The degree and style of control will help determine what title fits you best, but if you have ongoing rules and are able to (or wish to) assert your influence pretty much at will, then one of these might fit you.

Submissive/ Slave /Little: The other side of the coin. These are the ones who enjoy giving up power. They are the ones who love rules, structure, and having some portion of their lives being outside of their control. They are also the ones who set the limits on the power they are willing to give.

You also have Sadists who enjoying inflicting pain and Masochists who love receiving it. Then there’s the Sadomasochists who, like Switches, get their kicks doing both. Hell, maybe you’re simply a Kinkster who wants the kinky nookie without all the muss and fuss? No one title is more important, ranks higher, or stands supreme above the others. Contrary to popular belief, D/s is not the pinnacle of BDSM. The important thing is to not get bogged down by the titles. They aren’t an all encompassing description of who you are as a person, they just are a jump off point for further explanation. 

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