Would You Date A Politician?

As a rule, politicians are into kinky sex, everybody knows that. Bill Clinton is an obvious example, as is George W Bush and his paintings of dogs. Politics is always full of intrigue but it could be argued that sex scandals were better in the past.

Apparently the wife of Emperor Claudius, Messalina, had an all-night sex competition with a prostitute which lasted for 24 hours and Messalina won with a score of 25 partners. Bill may have asked Hillary privately but so far no pictures have leaked of similar events taking place involving Sarah Palin. As the technology today actually allows newspapers to see inside your underwear from space, it is fair to assume this has not happened. The current record for the worlds biggest gang-bang may be much higher but so far none of the participants have slept in the white house, as far as we know.

Caligula must be the benchmark by which to measure modern politicians. Not satisfied with appointing his own horse as a senator or declaring war on the weeds at the end of his garden (he thought it was an army), maybe his greatest entry into the history books was his ‘special’ senators tax. The catch was that the tax could only be paid by money directly earned by the partners of the Senators by selling sex to anyone who passed by. Being Caligula, he thought the whole thing would be more fun if it took place on a giant boat built inside the Roman equivalent of the House of Commons.

The poll tax was controversial but surely Margaret Thatcher would have entered the history books in a whole different way if she had been funding the Falklands War by selling Dennis’ used underwear. Anyone can see that beneath David Cameron’s chubby, slightly sweaty exterior, that there is a chubbier and sweatier animal just waiting to break free. Vladimir Putin loves to show his nipples in public too.

So if you find modern politicians all the same and don’t know who to vote for; next time simply decide based on the quality of their sex scandals.