The Woman Who Had A Sex Toy Stuck In Her Vagina For A Decade

We’ve all done stupid stuff when we’re drunk. The one night stand with the Brunhilda the bearded lady from the traveling circus. The streaking escapade through the park in the middle of winter… penile frostbite is not fun.

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The Scots are known for being a little wild, but one drunken night led to an embarrassing doctor’s visit a decade later. I can’t help, but think losing your sex toy inside your body is one those fears that many women have. I mean some of those vibrating bullets are pretty small and one false move and your vag sucks it up like hoover.

If it does happen, then you would probably use everything from a soup ladle to the elderly old neighbour next door to get it out, but if all else fails, you become one of those amusing stories ER doctors tell interns on their first day. Yes, that actually happens. Welcome to anecdote land.

Apparently,if you’re drunk enough, then getting off with your vibrator may not be great idea. Why? How about getting it stuck in your vagina and completely forgetting about it being in there. Yep, most people may wonder where their battery operated boyfriend went, but not this fair Scottish Lass.

Fast forward 10 years later, and she’s in her doctor’s office looking at her X-ray where a five inch sex toy is lodged in her holy of holies. Needless to say, having it up there for so long had some nasty health complications, but she’ll be fine. Perhaps the crowning achievement to this little game, a vaginal hide and seek, is that the whole ordeal was published as a scholarly paper in the Journal of Sexual Medicine.

She’s now a permanent fixture in the annals of sexual history right up there with Alfred Kinsey and Larry Flynt. While I admit that my knowledge of the vagina is limited to stick tab A into slot B and repeat, I can’t help but think that she had some inkling as to what had happened.

You can’t tell me she couldn’t figure out that that the sudden disappearance of her favourite orgasm maker and the weird vibrations in her crotch weren’t related. What about after year 1 or 5 and all the obvious problems: “So, yeah, every time I get about four inches in I hit a stopping point, any idea what that is.”

Who am I to judge, there are plenty of men who have stuck their dicks in vacuum cleaners and Coke bottles, hoping to get off and ended up in the ER. My advice to all you women out there, keep track of sex toys and worry if one goes missing.