The Man Who Had Sex With A Mailbox

We’ve all done crazy things when we’re drunk. I remember walking down the centre of the street singing at the top of my lungs and telling a woman that looked like Bigfoot’s big sister that she was beautiful. Being drunk is like a get out of jail free card unless you do something like…hmmm, I don’t know…fuck a mailbox.


Yep, a man in England was found guilty of various lewd acts and behaviours including having sex with a mailbox. He apparently walked into a public square, pulled down his pants and started flogging his Jimmy until he saw the come hither stare of the before-mentioned mailbox.

He sauntered over, you can’t really do much else than saunter when your pants are around your ankles, and began rubbing up and down on the mailbox with his hands in the air shouting, “Wow!.” Who knew putting your dick on a mailbox felt so good? If the Post Office publicised the sexual benefits of mailbox fucking, they might not be in severe debt.

When he finished; yes, he finished; the man pulled up his pants and started swinging from a lamp post. I guess we can call that post sex euphoria. There was no mention of the mailbox, whether or not it lit up a cigarette or if it was forced to sit in the wet spot. Our friendly neighbourhood mailbox fucker wasn’t through quite yet and proceeded to expose himself to others before being arrested.

I’ve been drunk. I mean, I’ve been really really drunk, but never had I once found a mailbox attractive, at least not enough, to fuck it publicly. Privately? No comment. It’s obvious the man has a few issues, and he’s paying the price. He was ordered to undergo treatment for alcoholism, pay the woman who watched him fuck the mailbox $75 (sounds like it should be the other way around to me) and register as a sex offender. The one I feel really sorry for is the mailbox. It finally found someone who wanted it for more than just the mail and it was taken away.