Everyone knows the link between alcohol and inhibitions; although the issue of accurately judging amounts after the first drink has probably led to as many rapidly sourced morning after pills, frantic mid-sex dashes for a bucket or unexpected Jackson Pollock designs on the bathroom floor as they have wonderful stories of a morning after that didn’t involve the question “what’s your name again?”
Naturally we all try to maintain a balance between getting loosened up and not embarrassing ourselves, yet sometimes it still gets out of hand. Here are some useful tips I have found for identifying just what you did last night:
If you catch a glimpse of yourself with a nosebleed in the bathroom mirror but still think you look amazing, it was probably cocaine.
If you find yourself unable to stop talking, your partner says ‘ow!’ when you go near their nipples and any penises in the room have shrunk to pre-puberty size, it was probably amphetamine.
If you find yourself filled with an intense feeling of wanting to hug everything around you, that there appears to be six people in your head talking different languages and you still can’t sleep after 5 orgasms, it was probably MDMA.
If you find yourself analysing the underlying rationale as to why humans have sex in the first place, contemplating how great the world would be if everyone was just nice all the time and suddenly realise you just spent the entire night talking so much that you actually forgot to have sex, it was probably LSD.
Still, these wonderful inventions all took some trial and error to become popular, good news for us! Next time you are questioning your choice of Aphrodisiac, just be thankful you will never end up in a restaurant ordering ‘Tiger Penis’.