How To Get A Date This Halloween

“When happy, inanimate nature had the power of bestowing on me the most delightful sensations.” – Frankenstein.

It is hard to know what Mary Shelley was into, but clearly Frankenstein is all about sex. Yes there is a deep rumination on the nature of human emotion but it is not coming from the perspective of the average person. Would Mary Shelley have been into the ‘incredible hulk’? Is it all about the big green ones? Your guess is as good as mine.

Dildos, disembodied Vaginas, electronic adaptors so we can touch each other through the internet and ultimately the latest generation of customisable sex dolls (with real personalities), aren’t we all a bit Dr Frankenstein? Like the next step up from the online dating supermarket, how many of us have mused at how much fun it could be if you could literally dial up a person of your own design?

‘Weird Science’ got around the whole ‘making a partner from bits of dead bodies’ thing by having a computer do the algorithms but the basic essence is the same. ‘The Rocky Horror Picture Show’ expanded on the underlying themes but with more singing. In this age of unbridled imagination, where we can choose pretty much anything (or at least that’s the mantra) surely the ‘flat-pack’ partner notions in the book can appeal to anyone with a God complex.

Frankenstein’s monster has appeared in a number of adult films, clearly Rigour Mortis has its benefits in many respects but I wonder if they have to sew another one on when it gets past a certain shade of green or if they just build another monster (fluffer says ‘eeewww’). Just remember, if you are going to build yourself a monster this Halloween, talk to your neighbours before erecting a giant lightning conductor on the roof.