How Sexy Is Your Country?

You might look in the news sometimes and be concerned that the celebration of sexuality is under siege in certain countries, yet we live on a diverse planet and sometimes it’s good to take a look around the world to give some context to our occasionally hysterical media.


The Tantra festival in Hawaii kicks off on January 22nd and looks like just the thing if you are the kind of person who would have been told to ‘get a haircut, hippie’ within the last 50 years. The polyamory ‘movement’ has a strong presence over the west coast of the U.S. and this event will surely bring together many people who experiment with the social norms over relationships and sexuality.

However, things are not always so free everywhere. Although some inspired drafting of laws makes for an excellent opportunity to smile inwardly, however strange your hometown seems, it could be much weirder.

For example in Texas it is perfectly ok to own five dildos, but if you decide to buy a sixth one then it is considered ‘intent to promote obscenity’. How many orifices does a sheep have anyway?

Also, in Louisiana you had better watch out if you want to do any same sex exploration as it is highly frowned upon. All forms of consensual oral or anal sex are outright banned. This may seem like a harsh environment for people to grow up in, yet bear in mind that in the same state Necrophilia is completely legal. So yeah, I’m sure you can juxtapose those elements in your mind and save me time writing an unnecessary joke that has already written itself.

There are a few other notable laws from unnamed American states (after all it must have been embarrassing writing these so no need to draw attention to who wrote them). You know who you are, kinky lawmakers.

In one state - It is illegal for men to have intimate sexual relationships with a live fish, although women are not covered by that law, you lucky ladies.

Sometimes the precise nature of a law makes you wonder about what wasn’t covered. For example there is a state where - It is illegal to have sexual relations with a porcupine. Just Porcupines. Well okay, I guess the local doctor got bored of picking spikes from peoples intimate areas. All the while, sat there just wishing someone would require help removing a gerbil from their anus or something… you know; something normal.

I still recall opening the local newspaper just after moving to Berlin and seeing several clubs advertising karaoke on alternative nights with fisting parties. It was at this point I realised that clearly I was not in Kansas anymore.