Do You Have What It Takes To Go Ape?

Unless anyone has been living under a rock in a fridge, then mostly everyone’s heard of the Bonobo. They are our close cousins that spend more time juggling each other’s various fruit double entendrés than pretty much anything else. In a parallel dimension, so close to our own yet subtly totally not, they surely show us something about ourselves.

The main reason they have not taken over the porn industry is that tricky opposable thumb business with the cameras.

Isn’t it fun to imagine if we were a bit more laid back as a society, that life would be better if we lived more like they do? Surely taking the world’s stress and turning it into sex would do the world a world of good, wouldn’t it? I wonder what would your diary really look like on a Pygmy Chimpanzee Planet…


07:00 Alarm went off. No milk - went to the shop.

07:10 Got milk (thanked cashier, mutual masturbation interrupted by next customer buying bread).

07:30 Got home from the shop, met two neighbours on the stairs (chat, gyrated hips twice, picked fleas).

08:45 Got to the apartment.

08:50 Made tea - going to be late again!

10:00 Got to work, a bird had flown in the window (all staff and customers engaging in an orgy, nobody noticed I was late - phew!)

Say what you like about the regular Chimp with its aggressive ways, but without some of their genes mixed into the pool, we would still be living with the Bonobos in the Stone Age… or the Bone Age…

*Looks at world* well maybe it would be a good time to tap back into that primal energy. Next time someone steals your space in the car park, just climb on to their shoulders and rub your genitals on their head. If we all push together we can break the cycle of violence.

If there are any people under rocks in fridges, someone should probably check on them…