Howling At The Moon

Horror films are all about sex. We all remember the intro to the classic ‘Thriller’ video where Michael clearly uses that age old excuse to put his arm around his girlfriend because she was scared. So why did she want to see the film? Because that’s what horror films are for.

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For some inexplicable reason, last month I decided to grow a beard. I consider myself an attractive human but I think I look ridiculous with a beard – however I started to notice that with the extra facial fuzz, an entirely new demographic of women have been giving me the eye. Being of scientific mind and naturally, completely unbiased, I have come to the conclusion that beards too, are all about sex.

What does this have to do with horror films? Well if I mention Carl Jung and archetypes then it will make this seem much more scientific. However, my theory is simply this – The hairiness of a man is often seen as a sign of masculinity and the hairiest man in horror movies is the Werewolf. Like an adult version of ‘Beauty and the Beast’, there is often a female lead that gets ravaged by the monster. Does it not then follow that Werewolf movies are basically hairy porn that you can watch in the big cinema and still discuss next day at the office water cooler. Have you ever discussed the porn you watch with your workmates? Thought not. (Although if you do try it then please send transcripts of what happened).

Anyway guys, just remember that next time you are putting your arm around her at the cinema, she may actually quite like it if you howl at the moon. And ladies, just remember that if you do get to live out that Werewolf fantasy then you may still be picking pubes out of your teeth whilst he is busy in the bathroom using all your conditioner.